Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Everything that needs to be in the garage is in there, including the toy airplane of Julia's, the big TV that isn't big enough four our bedroom, and the box full of clothes that I'm just too darned fat to ever fit into again.
Speaking of which, I'd taken a serious approach to my dieting (not really, I was just changing my evil ways) and I'd lost ten whole disgusting pounds.
To my surprise, I've gained four of them back!!
The bed room looks great, and tomorrow, I may post a tutorial (because I am that excited to show you how organized everything is) on how to create a "vesk" which is slang and a combination of "vanity + desk" since I had a desk, had to either give up the desk to get a vanity (which we can't afford anyway), or compromise.
Yes, I was able to store makeup and other beauty items in my desk ever so conspicuously, while simultaneously converting the area into a small but very functional work space. I am truly proud at the end result.
But since it's Tuesday night, you know what that means.
Luis is gone, and I am in bed all by myself, something I dislike and refuse to enjoy; even if the past two weeks have been easier on me than previous weeks. I may actually go to sleep before three in the morning today.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
A sudden rush of energy overcame me and I wanted to get so much done. I wanted to move everything around, and so we did.
We moved Luis's drawer to the closet where it's out of sight and out of mind. We switched closet sides and we moved the desk from the living room to our bedroom to create a desk and vanity for me. I'm beyond excited about that last fix.
Today (I started writing this late last night but fell asleep), I will try to continue. I also have plans to go see my mother and baby Julia.
I think overall, the change is turning out to be successful. Photos to come later.
The month of May ends on Friday. I'm excited and sad at the same time because it went by so fast, but in this fast-paced month, I was able to learn a lot about myself (yes it sounds cheesy, and cheesier it will sound...very soon, but hear me out), and the world around me.
There was a Tumblr post that I wish I'd saved, because I feel it was pivotal to everything going on in my life then and now, and later.
It was a suicide post, and it was a typed letter that said something to the effect of the following summary:
If you want to kill yourself, wait a moment. Take a deep breath, and wait a year. In that year, keep a journal, and do as much living as you can. Try new things, read good books, open your mind to be music, and go places.
Chances are that if you look back on all of that a year later, you'll be happy you didn't, and you'll want to see what else there is to see. If you still feel like committing suicide at the end of the year, then make a list of things you want to experience, and give it another year.
To that, I really wanted to add, to mark the date in which you felt so low, and celebrate it every year, because you didn't just go through with it, you made it through add a rebirth.
May was full of confusion for me, not many new things happened but life had me stomped down. There are people in my life I will always hold near and dear for their help, and I welcome June as my first full month of absolute positivity.
Since it's also the half year mark, I'm gonna do things normally others try to begin at the beginning of the year. That way, I still fulfill my resolution and build a good habit for next year.
Also, I woke up about an hour ago...that means I slept a whopping 14 hours last night...
I'm a little ashamed, but not really, because I was really behind on sleep.
*Edit: I thought I'd posted this at around three in the afternoon...turns out it never published. Hahaha.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Luis is cranking his holy Santana music collection. It's his day off today, and Laura gets out of work at three or so.
Given that we're all gonna be in the same place at once, I wanna make a yummy but simple dinner, and I've begun to cook some beans, which I will bake in barbecue sauce...
And I'm prepping the chicken drumsticks, because they too will be drowned in barbecue sauce.
And we're also making mashed potatoes with bacon!
Because we can.
Aaaaand, now I just don't want to get called in to work. I'm really hoping to just get the day off.
Wish me luck!
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Short and sweet, if you know her work, you have to understand.
I have been a regular coffee enthusiast for many years. There are stories in our family that "cafe con leche" was our nightly beverage as young kids, and I believe it, because I've been drinking coffee for as long as I can remember.
However, I haven't been able to function appropriately lately without my coffee before work. And if I miss my window before work or early on in my shift, I'm screwed, because drinking it too late at night doesn't let me go to sleep at the right time. At least not comfortably.
And these are things that never bothered me before, but I guess I'm growing old because suddenly, things are doing what they intended to do.
Also, I never realized how little tolerance I have for pain. Hahaha. I don't know why I chose that statement to end my post.
This week's paycheck is awesome. I wish I got to work six days in a row all the time. I also wish I got a lunch all the time, then I could be filthy rich for putting in a full eight.
Straight to my savings it goes. I wish I could go on a massive shopping spree, but I would regret it if I won PLNDR's sweet $500 giveaway...
And I really wanna win that giveaway to go ahead and go crazy on Jeffrey Campbell shoes. (My closet would officially retire from holding clothing and be the new home for JC Lita heels.)
However, the saving of a little bit of extra cash is always good, for rainy days, or some incredible, once in a lifetime chance to buy something amazing...or at least in my instance, the opportunity to finally buy a car...to haul my butt to work and back in nights when Luis can't be there.
I'd originally wanted a Bentley, but when my calculator told me that I'd be saving for at least ten years (with intense discipline), I decided I could just as well afford and be happy with a used car.
Because the point is not to drive a cool car, the intention and plan is to find a set of wheels that will get me to work.
Because life is all about work...and the things you do when you are out of work.
Dramatic rambling would normally start here, but here is the place where I shall stop.
I saw my schedule for this upcoming week, and I have Tuesday and Thursday off. Exciting!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
These past few weeks I was getting little to no sleep at night, and there I went thinking that there might be something wrong with me.
To my surprise, I've adapted the night owl schedule, which would explain why I don't eat anything until four or five in the afternoon.
I no longer feel like a sloth for waking up at one, or two in the afternoon.
Also, today I learned that the reason why my eyeliner never paired with both of my eyes is because I have very limited vision on my left eye, and this whole time, I was angling the pencil at different angles when applying the wing-out part.
Right now I'm on my way to work. Sometimes, public transportation isn't that bad. Except for today it's running five minutes late, and I really wanted to grab something to eat on the way to work.
Okay, we'll see what happens.
PS, it smells like oranges.
Tonight I deleted over 100 posts since I first began blogging on this page. Sometimes, it's necessary to let it all out before the next phase. I feel that since late last year, I'd been struggling with the demon of my past, but upon rereading everything I've written, I realized that I have nothing else to say concerning the dark points of my life.
These past couple of weeks have been the worst. I'm not sure what triggered everything, but I took a lot of frustration out on the world, and that's just unfair towards the future that isn't even here yet. I think I'm ready to move on, and I am more than willing to bury this ugly depression that's been lingering on my shoulders like a dark, rainy cloud.
I am not an ungrateful person. Everyday, I am thankful for Luis, and Julia, and my entire family. Sometimes, I have trouble acknowledging the fact that aside from everything I've done, I'm still a lucky girl.
The only posts I've kept are my favorite people posts because I intend on finishing the list. And because I want to have 100 reasons to not feel like a lone human.
If anyone has read any of my posts, I wanna say thanks. For listening to crazy, psychotic 'ol me, and for reading what I have to say.
My intentions are to continue blogging, I don't know how often, but I want to put all of my negativity aside. I don't wanna sound corny or cheesy, so I'm gonna end it here. It's just about 5am and I'm supposed to wake up in 25 minutes. Haha. Very unlikely.
But wish me luck in my journey to positive endeavors, and I will do the same for you.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Here's a special one that I am kicking myself over for not remembering off the top of my head until a song on the radio reminded me of...
This pretty lady over here. She is talented, down to planet Earth, blunt in life as in her music, unbelievably gorgeous, and while some see it and some don't, there is something edgy, and sultry about her. I think it's her love of life, and it's contagious.
At number 89 I've placed Alanis Morissette, because she is radiant, and a female movement inspiration!!