Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Tuesday, July 16, 2013; 11:22 A.M. EST

I was posting something last night, but I ended up falling asleep with the phone in my hand.
I'm not gonna finish that post, I'll just update the world on my happenings at another time.

This morning, I woke up at around ten, checked my Instagram, and saw that Kandee Johnson had posted a memorial photo for little Talia.
My heart sank, but I remembered that the "Angels for Talia" page would confirm what Kandee was saying. And yes. Talia left this earth, took her lovely spirit with her, and flipped cancer off for good.

That moment this morning is still very surreal, I haven't lost many people in my life, but I have lost a family member, back in 2001. He battled a lifelong disease that had no name, no how, and no cure. He had been in the hospital for six months before giving in. I was only able to see him twice: once, very unhappy, sick, unable to speak, and the second time in his mass before his funeral. He had a very sly smile on his face, he looked so at peace, happy, without a single fuck that we were all standing next to him, crying, still bargaining with the world in hopes of bringing him back.
So today, I don't want to cry, even though the knots, the sunken feeling, and the bubbly wet eyes are not being cooperative.

Times like these, we must remember that we are simply spirits, borrowing a physical form so as to communicate with one another. Talia did just that. She was diagnosed with cancer and took a stand on it and let the world know that children also have a voice. She shouted to the world that there are many organizations who want to give a voice to children with cancer, and while temporarily successful, the fighting torch has been handed to us by her today. Today, tomorrow, and until there is a goddam cure for cancer in children, we must continue to carry the torch, for Talia, and for every child who has been taken from their families before they get a chance to live their lives. From now on, we refer to Talia's legacy, which is bigger than life, and we use it to find drive and determination for those that are still here.
I want to thank Talia, because without her presence in my life, I would not have learned about the little bits (literally!) being done to help children battle their cancers. I want to thank her because I've realized that life cannot be lived when you let the obstacles stop you. That's what life IS. Life is a series of obstacle courses, and we must overcome them to see how life will reward us. Life does reward us, we just have to be patient and willing to work for it. But above all, terminal illness or not, you make the most of every day of your life. The more you make of your day, the more ventures you'll experience. The more you waste, the less of a chance you have of accomplishing the things you want out of your life.

I want to send my condolences to Talia's entire family, but especially Desiree, and Mattia, who have been by Talia from beginning to end; who unfortunately will feel the scar of her transition forever, and will need to accept Talia's leaving as a temporary goodbye and sign of eternal comfort and happiness for Talia herself. I don't need to be the one to tell you that you two had someone special by your side, the fact is, you still have her. Her memory, the essence of her perseverance, her kind heart, her personality are gifts that she has left with you, and everyone who welcomed her story into their hearts. I cannot imagine losing my Julia the way you've lost Talia, so I extend my heart, my full support, and I have made it my mission to join the Talia army, to rally and gather voices in hopes that they will be as loud a Talia's. I'm very hurt for her passing, but the must painful thing of all will be not seeing her pretty face, hearing her voice when we miss her the most. But those are physical things. Her spirit lives, and oh my God is her spirit vibrant. Her legacy will continue to inspire many, and one day, no child will go through what this angel was submitted to with cruelty. Talia's personality will be remembered, her perseverance, her actions, everything will always be here. I've never fallen in love with such charisma, but Talia was definitely a different energy.

Talia, baby girl, oh baby girl...
We will have to do, we will have to move on, and I'm gonna miss you, and I'm gonna cry for you, and your battles will not go in vain. Thank you for making your presence known for good. Your cancer was like a thorn being inserted in the hearts of those who loved you most, your passing is the removal of that thorn, it hurts even more as it's being taken out, but it will heal, and the scar of your pain will always be there. I can't ask anymore of you, but rest.
Rest in peace Talia Joy Castellano.