Saturday, July 6, 2013

Little Girl VS All Odds

Tonight, as I write this, little Talia Joy may be transitioning or have completed her journey from life to death.

I don't think that I've ever been as affected by something and have seen it affect people on a global scale. My thoughts, prayers, and deepest sympathies are with the Costellano family, whom are the greatest victims of this disease aside from Talia.
I'm out of words, but at the same time, there's a plethora of questions I have for the "greater being" that we all pleaded to in this time of darkness. They say, "God will only take the good ones," and my only remark to that is yes- because you gave them cancer and took their life and any chance of actual life from them.

Tonight I'm not just shattered, I'm angry, frustrated, and really confused. Because these things are held with greater understanding when they occur to "old" people; but Talia wasn't even a teen when she was thrown in the cage with this beast, and she battled it to the end, but anyone of us would have flinched and ran as far as our feet would let us go... I don't understand why her. Why the child, and not the adult with some years under their belt. Someone so small...and something so big, that it literally consumed whatever life was left. It's not fair, and I don't understand. I don't understand why the greater being let that happen, or why it wasn't taken away as soon as it happened. I'M SO FUCKING CONFUSED. AND I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, AND I DON'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND, because any explanation to any of this is a rigged and corrupt response. It's disgusting and malicious, this life. That crap, that crap you get told that she got "it" because God knew she could handle it, it's poor judgment on anyone's behalf, even God if those were his real thoughts. Are you really up there? Who's really up there? Did you fall asleep? You senile old thing! Answer me, I have questions, I have had questions but in the meantime, all I'm hearing are death counts rising, the world destroying itself by us, and instead of guiding us with your love and direction, you let little innocent children battle enormous cancer monsters, what the fuck?!

I don't want to argue with my mind anymore. I don't even care if my head levels itself out and regrets everything I just said. I don't care, I don't understand. Because Talia still tried to make the most of her life. She continued to walk the path of life, more so than that, she really tried to sprint to see what was at the end. And it depresses the shit out of me, because we will surpass the point where she left off, and won't have a choice but to keep moving. Keep walking, without her, without anyone that is leaving or has already left us.
My only comfort is that there are no paths where she's going. She's free to roam where her little self desires. There are no such things as cancer, and if there are, they get to eat shit and live in a cage much too small for it. There is no pain, it's just a good place to be. The people that made you happy in your lifetime get to join you when their time to stop walking the path gets there. There is never darkness, it smells good, it literally feels heavenly, it is everything you weren't able to stop for while walking your path in life, it's all there and it's all inclusive.
I know she didn't wanna go, I know she had other plans for her life, but in the end, she succumbed, maybe because a realtor angel convinced her that life after walking that stupid painful path is not even comparable to what awaited her.

Oh Talia, baby girl and little angel from up above...
I'm gonna miss you more than words can say. I'm gonna think about you, and everything you still managed to do, even in your sickest days whenever I feel like there's too much on my plate. I'm gonna think of you, whenever I think that a simpleton virus like the flu its trying to bring me down, and I'll remember that not even a Stage IV Neuroblastoma was able to take you down so easily. But most of all, in my days of anxiety, sadness, and depression, I'll remember how you overcame so many things with that giant beast trying to tackle you down.

May the angels in heaven welcome your entrance with a round of applause. I'm crying and I'm fighting the urge to shout to the universe that I'd rather have you here. Be pain free, and just keep swimming into the light. I love you Talia.