I woke having to really pee, and when I realized I couldn't hold it in, I made my zombified way to the bathroom.
I haven't posted lately, everything had been okay. Luis took me to his North Cali trip on Tuesday, and we came back Wednesday. I wasn't allowed to take as many photos as I'd wanted, mostly because we were in and out of places so quickly, but also because I was his secret companion there- no one knew I was there. The hotel room was so nice, the bed was comfortable, and the pillows were even more fluffy than ours at home.
Thursday I decided to go on and visit my mother so I could take Julia to the park, but I found her in the middle of her nap. Minutes after my arrival an argument turned offensive bash ensued, and I couldn't leave, as much as I wanted to, as little and squeezed dry my heart felt, I had to stay and play with Julia. When Luis finally picked me up, I was such a mess that I ended up crying as soon as I got in the car.
Oh man, days like yesterday I was really reminded why I hate myself so much. Everything came flooding back, and the idea of "changing and rearranging" every time I suffer a crisis went out the window.
And here we are. The sun is about to come out and I've yet to find a reason to stay here and remain alive. And I have to admit, it's the hardest thing to do when your finger is about to pull the trigger.
The only thing that saves me from myself is my cowardice. Sometimes it's not as bad of a trait to have, in some cases it lets you "live your life" a little bit more.